Month: December 2023

I am declaring a victory over Ambien. My sleep is not perfect, but it’s pretty darned good, and during this process I have learned that nobody’s sleep is perfect; that’s the way it is.

I have learned that most sleep issues are the result of anxiety. I guess I’m no exception. I thought there was just something wrong with my brain, a postmenopausal glitch – not true. The truth is that I was afraid that I couldn’t sleep without Ambien. That has proved to be false.

I have learned that the whole “sleep hygiene” theory needs to be modified. We should NOT be going to bed at exactly the same time every night. Perhaps our body is not ready to sleep yet. We cannot force our brains to shut down. We should not go to bed until we feel sleepy. That’s the most accurate gauge of readiness for sleep.

I have learned that tracking devices are not very accurate at monitoring sleep. One night, I went to bed, fell asleep, and immediately woke again (my pattern). I would bet A LOT of money that I did not fall asleep again until after 2 a.m. The following morning, my Fitbit showed that I was sleeping before that time. When I researched these devices further. This is what I found:

“…when it comes to sleep, movement and heart rate are not always so helpful in determining sleep. If we are reading in bed quietly for a long period of time, for instance, your device may think you’re asleep. And when it comes to measuring sleep stages, your wearable device is ineffective.“

“Fitbit was inaccurate when measuring things like sleep stages and sleep onset latency, or the time it takes you to fall asleep once in bed.

Alan Schwartz, M.D., director of John Hopkins Sleep Disorders Center at Bayview Medical Center, notes that sleep trackers ‘don’t measure sleep directly.’ Because they are not measuring brain waves, there is no way for a sleep tracker to tell you what sleep phase you are in, for example.”

So, I’ve told myself, as I have with many other old beliefs regarding my behavior, I don’t have to do anything, just let it be.

I had a very pleasant Christmas here. No stress, just heavenly peace. I enjoyed a Christmas Eve breakfast with “most of the gang” at Mike’s Global Grill. Their lox and bagel with capers is fabulous. Then Christmas day evening I joined Jerry and Linda for dinner at a new restaurant called Christopher’s. It did not disappoint.

I continue to enjoy my walks into town; however, I have had to cut back. My knees are not happy. It is just too steep to do it every day.

I do enjoy the images on my way in. I am always impressed by the vegetation as well as the habitation of some of the locals. I’ll continue to do the walk two or three times a week.

As a substitute, I’ve begun doing a pilate’s workout from a YouTube video. Yikes!! It really works the abdominal muscles. It doesn’t feel that hard while doing it, but the next day I certainly feel it.

I’m okay with this schedule to assure that I’m in shape for our walk in May. Dan and I started talking about it yesterday. He will begin in France in April and then meet me in Portugal mid-May. I’ll only be doing about 200 miles over a two-week span. I don’t want to be gone too much during the planting season. I’m going to try to get everything planted before I leave.

I’ve been re-reading The Poisonwood Bible. I read it a very long time ago. I remembered loving it, but the details were forgotten. I did not remember the political part of it, which, of course, is the basis of the book. It sent me to Wikipedia to learn more about the Congo and the colonization by the Belgians. The novel talks about the hands of the Congolese children being chopped off if their father’s did not meet their rubber quota.

The photograph was taken by Alice Seeley Harris, the man’s name is Nsala. Here is part of her account (from the book “Don’t Call Me Lady: The Journey of Lady Alice Seeley Harris”): He hadn’t made his rubber quota for the day so the Belgian-appointed overseers had cut off his daughter’s hand and foot. Her name was Boali. She was five years old. Then they killed her. But they weren’t finished. Then they killed his wife too.

Truly amazing how cruel humans can be to one another.

I’ve also been occupied with watching a number of interviews of Elon Musk. I am very intrigued by this man. I haven’t read Walter Isaacson’s biography of him yet, but the interviews reveal a very complex personality. I was impressed yesterday when he was asked by Lex Fridman how he would recommend Israel respond to the attack by Hamas. He said, “With conspicuous kindness.” This really surprised me. He then went on to elaborate on how this is the only reasonable solution; it’s how karma works.

I actually started watching these videos to become more informed on the future of AI, and that has been revelatory as well. One issue I have heard addressed more than once is the fear of job loss. The answer seems to be that we are moving toward an end of “work for pay.” Everyone will be given enough money to live on. This sounds so bizarre. Yet, he explains that it is already being done in Finland.

Time to do laundry.

So, yesterday was my day of holiday celebrations with friends. I had lunch at Betty’s. We all brought a dish to pass. My beans sucked (too woody – won’t buy again), but everything else was great. It was a nice visit.

I had to take dessert to-go. The pumpkin pie with fresh whipped cream was delish. I still have a brownie to enjoy.

I had a half-hour break between parties and then joined Jerry and Linda upstairs. Nice getting to know them a little better. And they agreed to let me pay my upcoming rents with PayPal. This is nice because the lines are always long at the ATMs, and each transaction requires a $6 fee.

Linda was not upset about the popcorn seeds I spilled in the driveway. Whew!!

As I was winding down last night, reading, I noticed legs crawling up over the top of my book. I did my get-it-off-me freakout and when I looked at the floor I noticed it was not a spider, as I thought, but a cockroach!!! So much for spraying. Not much we can do about it. I’m going to get the paste again. Not sure where I’ll put it.

I slept 8 hours the past two nights. The sleep scores on my Fitbit are just showing “Fair” because I’m restless, but I think as my brain gains more confidence, it will improve. Tonight I can use the anti-snore device.

Again, I realize it has only been a week or so of upping and downing with my sleep, but last night I slept eight hours (without Ambien), and I feel great this morning.

I met Natalie Kelly for breakfast yesterday morning. We planned to meet at the Boquete Sandwich Shop at 9:30. I arrived a bit early and discovered that they were closed until 12/31. I sat on the steps and sent a text to Natalie, but, for some reason, my phone would not send the message. I figured she would show up eventually. After waiting a bit, I stood up and was planning to go into the Tigo store next door to the restaurant to ask if they could figure out what was wrong with my phone. I heard my name called. Apparently Natalie had been waiting about as long as I, but on the other side of the restaurant and couldn’t see me because of the bushes. So…we went to Sugar ‘N Spice instead. Always great.

Natalie and her husband, Mike, are from Chicago. They moved here a couple of years ago. We met during the volunteer training for Boquete Health and Hospice. I love our conversations.. Natalie has a lovely, intelligent, positive energy about her.

After breakfast I went to the library and picked up a couple of books: Wouldn’t Take Nothing for My Journey Now by Maya Angelou and The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver.

I finished Angelou’s book last night. It is a collection of bits of wisdom and then a surprising account of her experience in a bar one night. She was sitting alone at the bar (emphasis on alone) drank five martinis and then commenced to sit down at a table with five journalists where she lamented the fact that she was a single woman at 41, and made a complete fool of herself. In hindsight she reflected, “I sat and looked at each man for a long time, and then I began a performance which now, more than twenty years later, can still cause me to seriously consider changing my name and my country of residence. “

May Angelou?!?! I was so shocked by this revelation, but I was also grateful for her candor and transparency. Becoming is a challenge for all of us.

I read the Kingsolver book many years ago. I can’t remember the entire story, but I do remember how much I loved it.

I just finished The Story of a Goat by Indian author Perumal Murugan. It’s a book written in the genre similar to Charlotte’s Web. Not sure what that is called, but Murugan anthropormorphyzes the goats in order to tell the story of the struggles of the goatherds of India: the government tyranny, drought, famine. I realize that the political story is an important one, but I found his sharing of the goat’s thoughts and behaviors to be very sweet and touching. Poonachi is the main goat in the story. She eventually meets Poovan. This is one of my favorite excerpts:

“…But it was only because they had travelled that she had got to explore the forest and spend at least a few happy days with Poovan. The moonlit tableau of the wild boars cavorting in the pond was etched in her mind. Every time she closed her eyes, the scene would unfold. What a miracle, she thought to herself. The two kisses planted by Poovan lingered on her mouth. She thought about it all the time, and her happiness playing with Poovan. She imagined him flying through the air and leaping over her. There were so many moments she could recall with pleasure. Why then did the mind always blow up and despair over sad events? Each time she thought of the happy times, her mind would be filled with joy. To everyone’s surprise, she would jump and run around in the pasture. “

Betty was not very happy with me yesterday. She messaged me last week to meet her at the bottom of El Salto (my road) at 1:00 pm yesterday afternoon, and we would go to Bulk Organics. I had it in my head that I was supposed to meet her at the bottom of Volcancito (her road). Wrong. She was trying to find me and was calling and texting me, but because my phone wasn’t working, I just waited. I was a bit concerned because Betty is never late. I thought something must have happened to her. Then at about 1:20 she came by…not smiling. I reviewed our texts and saw that I had confirmed it, but erroneously said Volcancito. Betty didn’t pay much attention because she assumed I had it right. Looking back farther in the thread, I saw that she did, indeed, say El Salto. Then, to top it off, they didn’t have what she wanted at Bulk Organics. Not a good day for Betty, but today, as we gather at her place for a holiday lunch, I will console her with the fact that her memory is better than mine.

So, today is a party day. Lunch with the gang at Betty’s and then dinner here with my landlords, Jerry and Linda. My contribution for Betty’s is vrasta fasolakia (Greek green beans with mint and fennel). Jerry asked me to bring wine. Sure!

When I don’t wake up to the sound of birds singing, I know things are rough outside. This was last night. It’s better this morning, but still windy. I can hear the furniture on the deck above me banging around.

These are the kind of days that blow me off the road.

Speaking of waking up… I went to bed last night about 10:30. I was very sleepy after putting in a lot of walking during the day, and I had a good sleep drive built up with the short sleep (5h36m) the night before. Last night was heaven. I could feel myself falling asleep in a very short time. I imagined I could keep it going while writing calligraphy in my mind. Lovely.

I was asleep almost eight hours and felt great when I woke up. I feel like I’m on the right track. I won’t be walking today, but I have begun a pilate’s workout, so that will help. I also spent time before bed listening to a number of short videos by reviewers of Romisewski’s re:Sleep (formerly called Sleepyhead). I find it amazing, especially Romiszewski herself. She is an angel. I highly recommend it.

Reviews

I don’t feel totally out of the woods yet. I am hugely relieved to be off the Ambien. I think it has been about a week. That alone has been encouraging. I have been tempted to take it, but I haven’t given in. I’m going to withhold any judgment until I have continued as is for one more week. I think the most important change for me is to wait to go to bed until I am very sleepy. I will no longer go to bed “by the clock.” If I continue to have issues, I will invest in the program. Quality sleep is important.

Jolene’s bubbles are growing on me. I bought a shot glass yesterday in order to get a cleaner edge. Not sure what I will do with them yet, but they are fun. I think I want to brighten them up a bit.

I made this stew last night. It’s garlic, onions, celery, carrots, lentils, kale, curry powder, and cumin powder. When I tasted it, I wanted something else. At home I might add some sort of flavored vinegar. Last night I added to my bowl a spoonful of St. Dalfour’s Mango Maracuya preserves. Yes!

I’ve modified my schedule so that I’m writing in the morning when I am more alert, and I do the calligraphy later. This was last night’s whim:

It’s actually two of her poems put together. Still waiting to hear from Ash about my ovals. 🙂

I call this one Marcel the Spider:

As I was sitting on the bus, returning home after my dental appointment and a bit of grocery shopping, I felt the wave of joy I often experience while spending time in a completely different culture. The young, Panamanian woman sitting next to me is nursing her infant. Looking out the window I see dogs criss-crossing the streets and chickens walking about freely. The Ngöbe women in their beautifully colored, clean and starched dresses are walking through the streets with their many children in tow.

The driver made four, out-of-the way stops during this trip. First, he stopped at a little house off the road, and a young, teenage girl came running out of the house to greet him. I could only assume that he was her father, as he gently brushed her hair back from her forehead and patted her head. They also looked remarkably alike. Stop two was to retrieve a huge bag of oranges from an old guy coming down a dirt road. Next, he stopped at a house, went up the steps, disappeared for a bit and then returned to the bus. His house?? No idea. The next stop was to accept. through the driver’s window, a large, rolled bundle of leaves. Not sure if they were banana leaves or not. My next assumption was that he was collecting these items for a Christmas celebration. I’m imaging an animal of some sort being wrapped in those leaves and roasted with the oranges. Just a guess.

Larry just invited me to dinner Friday night at 5:00 pm. I am going to Betty’s at 1:00 pm for our holiday celebration lunch with “the gang.” So, looks like a fun Friday in store. Too bad Gloria isn’t here yet. She’s not arriving until, I think, mid-January. Gloria’s a trooper. She’s about 75 and last year had to return to the states due to a heart condition. She eventually had surgery, went to her Maine home to recuperate, and now she’s planning her trip back here.

So, the sleep thing… This was last night:

I stayed up watching videos (Severance – very strange) and went to bed at midnight. Even though I only got 5h36m of sleep, I actually felt better when I got up, than I did the day before, with much more sleep. So, I’m working on building my sleep drive. Right now I would definitely love a nap, but I’m going to continue with my day. I bought chamomile tea today at the grocery store.

I bought a shot glass today at La Reyna. I plan to use this to experiment with Jolene’s bubbles/balloons. No luck yet on finding an Instapot. I’m going to message a woman on FB Marketplace here. She’s a bit of a haul for me, but perhaps she comes into Boquete on occasion.

Yesterday’s lunch at Barbara and Murray’s was fun. It was great seeing Debra again. Sounds like she’s going to give it another go here. Her partner, Pascal, is in the process of developing his property with cabins. Not sure. It sounds complicated. I’ve never been to their place, which is, by all reports, fabulous. But it is very remote and hard to access. Not in my plans. Well, and I haven’t been invited… there is that.

A couple of friends reading the blog correctly questioned my use of hot chocolate. I guess I was in denial, but, yes, chocolate has caffeine, not as much as coffee, but for me, right now, not a good idea.

So, I remembered drinking golden milk a number of years ago, and I made this last night.

It’s milk, maple syrup, cinnamon, cardamom and vanilla. It was very good, but didn’t make any difference with my sleep.

This is what last night looked like:

Although the cumulative time showed that I slept a bit over 7 hours, I wouldn’t call it good sleep. As Romiszewski suggests, I’m going to stay up much later in order to increase my sleep drive.

I remember as a kid, my mom making me go to bed at 7:30. She said I needed more sleep than other people. Maybe not true any longer. My plan now is to stay up until midnight. I’m going to spend the late hours watching videos. I have a number of titles on my to-watch list, so I’ll do it then. I don’t need to be sharp during those times, just awake. I was so tempted to take the Ambien last night, but I promised myself I would give this at least two weeks. I think this is just one week. I also am spending time just passively listening to Romiszewski during my day. I like to have her voice of encouragement in my head.

I’m trying something new with watercolors. Jolene sent me this Reel from Instagram, and I told her I would give it a try. I can’t embed an Instagram link, but this URL will take you there.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cjv4XTUJe_H/

I have obviously not mastered it yet. I’m going to try to find a shot glass or something similar with a rounded lip. To make mine, I used the lid from a spice jar, but it didn’t work very well.

Yesterday, as I was looking for watercolor paper, I came across a number of pages of my early attempts at calligraphy. It’s good to look back on occasion.

Today:

I’m going to Barbara and Murray’s this afternoon for lunch. Debra and Pascual will be joining us. I made a puttanesca.

I recently finished reading Walking Through Walls by Phillip Smith. It’s a memoir in which Smith tells the story of growing up with his father, Lew Smith, who was a popular psychic healer. I’ve never really been convinced by people who call themselves psychic or mediums. Many of them just seem to be stage performers, and I’m always amazed how they continue babbling on when their “recipient” is shaking their head and not connecting. But this book is creating curiosity. As we read the book, we see Smith (the author) go from resistant, skeptical teenager, to a respectful adult. He shares firsthand accounts of witnessing his father’s skill.

After reading the book, I started researching this skill, which is now being called energy healing. I tried a series of Reiki sessions in 2015, when I was going through a transition. The therapist actually fell asleep a couple of times during our sessions. I wasn’t convinced, and I never felt any change in my system. But some of the videos I’ve been watching lately are starting to make me question this. Stay tuned.

I did my usual walk into town this morning and met Cathy Anne in the central square. I call her Pewaukee Cathy because her family owned a greenhouse in Pewaukee. The building is still there, but her family no longer owns it.

We went to the Buckle and Trip for a coffee and tea. I was surprised that the coffee was awful. My first experience with bad coffee here. Perhaps it is something new that I’m not used to, but I had to leave it, barely touched.

Cathy is still healing from an accident in July when she was hit by one of the town buses as she crossed a street. She seems to be doing well. Love to talk to Cathy about books and movies. Knitting and watching movies and series is her favorite. She’s also a fabulous cook.

I didn’t notice it, but Cathy pointed out to me that many of the new Christmas decorations in town are made out of plastic bottles. I think that most everything in the photo behind us is made from recycled plastic. So Panamanian.

Jerry stopped down yesterday and brought me banana bread.

He also asked if I like lamb. I said yes, and he told me that he just bought too much at the store recently and was hoping I would come to dinner and help them out. I’m realizing that this guy has a unique sense of humor. I’ll like him even more when he fixes the toilet.

Linda just came down to ask me if I could hear the bass beat of music. Yes, I could hear it. She told me that it is driving her crazy. She can’t sleep at night because it goes on until 2 in the morning. I suggested earplugs and was hoping I had an extra pair to give her, but I couldn’t find them. I must have brought an extra pair. I’ll keep looking.

My sleep experiment is moving along. I feel like I’m back to my pre-Ambien pattern of feeling sleepy, going to bed, and then lying awake for hours. I think I may be going to bed too early. I’m going to see if I can hold out until 11. That’s when the Fitbit shows that I am more steadily asleep. The Fitbit showed that I slept over 9 hours, but the graph was loaded with wakeful moments. I didn’t feel great when I woke up; I don’t feel great right now. I have to stay awake for seven more hours. I think I can do that. I’ve put off my calligraphy and a new painting idea until after I have finished writing for the day. Those activities don’t stress my brain like writing does.

I received a lovely encouragement from my editor, Kathie, yesterday. She said that sometimes a book comes along that she has to just read first and then save the editing for later because she wants to keep reading. That was a fantastic bit of positive reinforcement on her part. Now I think of that instead of the drudgery part. To imagine that someone is experiencing joy from my writing is a true gift. Thanks, Kathie!

Hot chocolate has replaced my nightly wine habit. Getting my protein!

My Ambien-withdrawal program is not progressing as rosily as I had hoped. While reading last night, I felt come over me the sleepiness that Stephanie Romasewski talks about and decided to go to bed at about 9:30. At one point, after what felt like three hours awake, I decided, as she suggests, to get up and do something enjoyable – calligraphy, of course. I never looked at the clock. I just wrote until I felt the sleepiness again and again went to bed. I woke this morning at 7. I looked at my Fitbit. It showed that I actually was in light sleep for 80% of that first period, which actually turned out to be 2 hr and 32 mins. So, I was asleep for 2 hours of that time. The second sleep, I was asleep in less than 15 minutes and slept for 5 h 25 min. Tonight, I’m just going to stay in bed, no matter what and see what happens. I am obviously sleeping more than I think. I wonder if snoring is waking me up. Speaking of which…

I picked up my anti-snore device. It’s actually called a myofunctional sleep appliance. Right, Jolene?

This is a serious device. I’ve been exercising/wearing it for an hour a day for three days so far, and it is quite intense. It feels like it is remolding my maxillary tissue. See that little tab at the top? The exercise is to push on that with the tongue. Doing that creates a suction that pulls the teeth together and pushes the device up. If I relax my mouth, the device slides down, and my mouth is open. When I take the device out, it feels like there is a clump of tissue in the upper corner of each side of the mouth, behind the last molar, at the peak of the cheek. I texted the dentist and told her that I would like to see her after this first week, just to make sure that my mouth looks okay. I thought the device might be too big. She said that’s perfect, just keep your mouth closed the entire 60 minutes. Okay.

Latest calligraphy update. The practices I have been posting here are the same ones that I post to the calligraphy Facebook group. The past couple of days, I have been reviewing my work before I post it, using a red pen to show where I made mistakes. I thought, someday Ash is going to say something, or maybe give a thumbs up. So yesterday, I posted this one:

…and Ash finally commented: “I like the red marks.” You think he could have at least said that my ovals were improved?

I walked into town this morning, and Barbara met me at the bottom of the hill. We came back here for coffee and a “chat,” which lasted 4-1/2 hours. Love that woman. I’m excited about her and Kathy meeting. I know they will hit it off.

This is one of my favorite views as I walk into town:

I had a strange experience here last night. As I was on the couch reading, I heard a clicking sound coming from the kitchen. I got up to investigate and zeroed in on the refrigerator as the source. It sounded like an ice maker was operating, but this refrigerator doesn’t have an ice maker. I unplugged it, and the noise continued. I plugged it back in and decided to just ignore it. As I was walking away I heard a BOOM! It sounded like someone was hitting my front-door window with a pole. I froze in place for a short time and then went to the door and locked it. I turned on the light, looked around a bit and saw nothing. I texted Jerry and asked him if he could come down. He didn’t respond right away. After a number of minutes, I told him to forget it, that everything was fine, but he did come down. He looked around, found nothing going on and left.

This morning, I looked out my front door and saw that one of the banana trees had fallen. I texted Jerry and asked him if a banana tree makes a loud noise like that when it falls. He responded, “Only if there is someone there to hear it.” That got an LOL.

A short time later, I discovered that a 5-pound dumbbell, that I was using to weigh down a book, which was flattening some cards, had fallen to the floor. Yes, that was the boom.

BTW, the refrigerator is fine.

The insect patrol was here today. The spraying feels sort of violent and noxious, but I have to weigh that with the feeling of seeing cockroaches. Spraying is the winner here for me. Barbara and Sally have both told me that they got used to them while living in New York and Chicago. Wisconsin never provided me with this conditioning.

The books I have been reading and listening to lately, Walking Through Walls and Battle for Your Brain, both deal with utilizing the power of the electrical activity of our brains and bodies to heal. I am wondering if this is going to be the healing technology used by Priscilla Chan and Mark Zuckerberg and their new philanthropic organization, CZI. They said their goal is to cure all human disease by the end of this decade. It will be interesting to see how this pans out. I was always a bit skeptical (and also very ignorant) of energy healing, but these books are making me think differently, and it looks like this may be where healthcare is headed. I wonder how the pharmaceutical industry is going to respond to this. Although, I did learn that Zuckerberg bought a company called Control, which deals in this technology. I also learned that 23 and Me is partnered with Glaxo-Smith-Kline. My guess is that the latter will one day be approaching people who had their DNA analyzed by 23 and Me and letting them know about any genetic disease they have that could be treated by their drugs. We’ll see. Always something new.

I cannot believe how long it took me to get to this page! So many things are changing so quickly with security walls. I really dislike the one that asks, “How many bridges or how many motorcycles.” I don’t know! Is that a bridge? No, that’s just steps. Is that motorcycle? No, I think it’s a shadow of a bike that’s being carried on top of a car. Then they send you an email for verification. Then a code to your phone. This is one area where I hope AI will make my life easier.

I was listening to this podcast today with Mo Gawdat. He is the former Chief Business Officer of Google X. I would call him the Eckhart Tolle of technology. He has a very strong spiritual side and has a very hopeful outlook on the future of technology. I plan to listen to this again, especially the last 10 minutes or so where he talks about where AI will be in, I think, eight years. He says AI will be billion(s?) of times more intelligent than normal humans and will also have a code of ethics. “Humanity is an amazing being when judged by its top. The worst of humans are scum. The best of humans are amazing.” Wow! Intelligence AND ethics? How can this be a bad thing?

So, last night was my first night in probably eight years that I didn’t take Ambien before attempting to go to sleep. Did I sleep great? No, not really, but, thanks to my Fitbit, I can see that I slept 6h 45m (I usually sleep 8-10). There was at least one point where I almost gave in and took the Ambien, but I listened to this podcast yesterday, and the attitude of this scientist changed my attitude. She encouraged me to let go of the fear of not sleeping. I won’t get sick or become insomniac, which I remember all too well. Looks like we have a lot to learn about sleep. Fingers crossed.

On Thursday evening I had dinner with part of “the gang.” We went to Panamonte, which is one of my favorite, and, I think, the oldest restaurant in Boquete. Such a treat!

I’m back at my calligraphy practice. I’ve been doing the Daily Challenges on the Copperplate for All Facebook group. The challenges the past couple of months have been names of countries, their populations and capitols. I’m getting to the point where I can almost write all letters without looking at the exemplar. Sort of like learning how to type without looking at the keyboard. Numbers are another story. They are new to me.

I sent my practice to Ash one day about a month ago saying that I didn’t expect feedback but thought he might like to know that I’m still practicing. He said, “I absolutely know you won’t give up. I been seeing your penmanship! I think I see a great amount of confidence in your letterforms! You surely need some working with ovals, but I’m sure with time you will get that under your stride and have command over it!.

By my calculation (he doesn’t keep track), he owes me two sessions. Once I feel like I’m ready, I’ll ask him to give me some feedback.

Jerry texted me yesterday and asked if I liked oatmeal cookies. “Indeed!” These were delicious. I ate them all immediately.

The Best Oatmeal Cookies!

Since blueberries are outrageously expensive, I am enjoying one of my Panamanian favorites with my breakfast. Papaya!!

Yesterday I made yogurt. Unfortunately, I bought skimmed milk. Today it is draining. I prefer Greek style, which is not available in the stores. Piero, the goat farmer, sells it, but it’s hard to get and expensive. So, fingers crossed that this meets my high standards.

I’ve been pondering my daily routine. I usually like to start my day with coffee and calligraphy, followed by other activities, including writing. However, I have discovered that the writing doesn’t always get done. I think, for two reasons: (1) I usually put it off until later, and then I’m usually too tired, and (2) I don’t enjoy it as much as I do the calligraphy, painting or Zentangle.

One of the many things I learned from reading Atomic Habits, is that if you really want to get in the habit of doing something, you have to make it part of your identity. So, I have to say, “I’m the kind of person who writes.” Or, even stronger, “I am a writer.” As I told Kathie: This is tough for me for a number of reasons: (1) I feel like I don’t deserve to call myself a writer. She’s a writer, Joanne is a writer. Kim is a writer. I know, dumb. (2) Right now, at least, I don’t enjoy it as much as I enjoy the other things. AND (3) I’m afraid it will take time away from those things. However, there is a bug in my brain pushing me to write more.

THEN I listened to this podcast with Dr. Shane O’Mara, and he’s talking about how walking fosters writing:

I discussed this all with Kathie at our last meeting and together we came up with a new schedule for my writing. Kathie assured me that she, like many writers, do not feel great joy while writing, but, of course, they love having written. So, I’ll START my day with meditation and a walk and then sit down and start writing.

I know that I’m into delayed gratification, so I will motivate myself knowing that I can look forward to doing the calligraphy and artwork later. I’m pretty sure this all goes back to my conditioning: chores first, then play. So, this is my new, tentative schedule. I started it yesterday, which went very well, and today is Sunday, my day of rest. So, so far we’re doing fine.

7:00 – 8:00	Coffee/Meditate
8:00 – 9:30	Walk/Audible/Shop
9:30 – 11:30	Write
11:30-1:30	Exercise
1:30 – 2:30	Calligraphy/Podcast
2:30 – 4:30	Cards/Open Time
4:30 – 6:30	Dinner/Spanish
6:30 – 9:00	Read/Movies
9:00 – 10:00	Bedtime