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Things have turned around for me emotionally. I’m back to me. I came so close to going home. But all of the human connection the past few days has cured me. I discovered that I love solitude, but I do not have the countenance of a hermit.

I spent two days playing with friends. One day Sally and Natalie came over. Sally brought her watercolor project. She did two very similar watercolors of a forest image. Then she cut them is slices and wove them together. They are beautiful. I will ask her to send me some photos.

Natalie learned how to do Zentangle. She chose the leaf pattern (Nefi) and loved it. We spent a lovely day.

Another day, Nancy picked up Kathy and me, and we spent the afternoon at her house. I again worked on Zentangle, Nancy worked on her parrot image and Kathy crocheted. Love these times spent with women. It reminds me of reading about women getting together for quilting bees. It was a great opportunity for them to leave their families behind for a short time and spend it in the company of other women. It was likely a huge support for them. AND…they were still being productive, so who could complain???

Nancy asked me if I would take care of Bailey while they are away at the beach. Hmm…let me think about that… It will be such fun to have a dog around.

Speaking of which, I think my brother, Tim, is going to get a dog, and I believe I tangentially contributed to that. I posted this video on Facebook, and he said, “That’s it! I’m getting a dog!”

He misses his Champ. I hope this works out. I did dissuade him a little bit when he said he might adopt his friend’s Dalmation…let’s not be too impulsive. He’s going to “meet” the dog tomorrow (I think) with no expectations.

Friday night, Betty had the gang over for dinner and to watch In and Of Itself. It was my sixth time watching it. I think I’m done. But I still love it, and I especially love all of the responses to it. People begin to ask themselves questions, not just “How the heck did he do that,” but, more importantly, I think, “Who am I?”

Equally as entertaining are the conversations between Stephen Colbert and Derek Delgaudio. They are both so amazed on how this came about, the meeting of their minds. Consciousness works in very interesting ways.

Speaking of which…my latest favorite video:

Don’t be put off by the name or the robes. This man is a great connection between the eastern and the western mind. He has lived in both. I especially love his teaching about the importance of habits. Changing your habits, changes your brain and your mind. It reminds me of the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. We are our habits. They are talking about the same thing.

I also learned that the monks wear orange because it is the color of freedom. (Nancy?)

Yesterday, Barb picked me up, and we spent the afternoon at Kinnears’ for Amy’s going away party. It’s actually more like a going away party for them all, but Joyce didn’t call it that. Joyce and Scott are moving to Puerta Vallarta, and Amy is returning to California and will live in the family home there with her uncle. Big changes. The Boquete community will miss them. Joyce has been a rock for the liberal community, taking the lead in keeping the community informed, especially on Covid, and providing opportunities for like-minded people to socialize without much conflict. Sometimes that a good thing.

At the party, I met a couple of new people: Trish and Mindy. Trish lives in a place called Las Armuelles, which is southwest of Boquete, probably an hour drive. It is on the beach. Trish said it is a nice community with a mix of expats and Panamanians. Don’t have to drive. Close to groceries. Like being at Las Lajas 24/7. I’m going to ask Barb her opinion about the area. I’m guessing she has one… Barb? I know right now she’s saying, “You bet I do!” Oh, one thing I already know – snakes. Lots of them. Trish talked about picking them up. I asked, “Do you feel inclined to do that?” “Oh yes,” she replied, “I love snakes, have since I was a kid in West Virginia.” Mmmm…..

Mindy is thinking of moving there. She is by herself here in Boquete and just thinking Las Armuelles would be more economical.

And then of course, beautiful laundry day:

and loving my clean sheets:

Yes, these are important things to post. They evoke a very happy feeling for me. And that’s what it’s all about.

I always find it interesting when a video, movie, book, magazine article, billboard or something someone says will seem to be directed specially at me. This video by Eckhart Tolle is a case in point. I started listening to it yesterday just because I love him, and I always listen to podcasts while I am doing my cards. He first started speaking about how the love of consciousness comes through our doing when we are just present with it, not thinking about a goal or an outcome. What we are doing is not a means to an end but a joy in and of itself (just made me think of the movie).

As I was listening to this, I was making a gift for a friend, and it gave me such joy that she would feel my love for her come through.

Tolle then proceeded to talk about being present with our challenges and not to resist them. What caught my attention in particular was his exploration of what he called “inner states.” I would call this “feeling really shitty.” Our bodies feel crappy because our fight-or-flight response is producing stress chemicals in our bodies, and they just don’t feel good. We are not using them to instinctively fight or run away; we are just stewing in our own juices so to speak. This is the difference between instinct and emotion. The brain doesn’t know the difference between a threat to your physical body and a threat to the ego. We just have to breathe through it, and tell ourselves, “This is what humans feel like sometimes,” and “No feeling lasts forever.” Eventually, if we accept what is going on, the feeling dissipates…and so it has for me.

What I am looking forward to is the last bit he talked about: something “good” always comes of the “bad.” Perhaps this reinforcement of a well-worn insight is the gift, but…you never know… I remain curious.

This is a little clip that Jolene sent me. Something about music always makes me want to cry. This clip is no exception.

I have learned about myself that when I am away from home for an extended period of time, there comes a point when I am struck with a bout of homesickness. I’m coming out of that now. I was almost thinking of going home right after Jolene’s visit, but today the feeling started to dissipate. I have turned the corner.

Lois stopped by for a bit today. She invited me to join her and Buzz to attend a fundraiser in town at the BCP. This is the blurb:  BCP Fundraiser at TapOut Sports Zone. DJ Mike spins Motown sounds and the Johnson Family performs a Motown dance number. Soul Food Cookout with BBQ pork and chicken, mac’n’cheese, black-eyed peas, cornbread, mashed potatoes, and collard greens. Dominoes and Spades games. $20 tickets at the door.

So, I think I’d better eat before I go, but it sounds like fun.

Lois is going to come over one day to learn Zentangle. Here’s my latest from today. It’s called Huggins. I love this design. It satisfies the “precision” gene in me. I’ll be making a number of these. Lots of room to grow.

I decided to go out to breakfast tomorrow morning and do movie day with “the gang.” I think it’ll do me good to get out and mingle a bit. I love solitude, but there comes a point when I know I need more human contact. So, looks like this weekend will be a cure.

I have also decided to start writing the book on the Camino. This also may be why I’ve been feeling “off.” Perhaps I’m being prodded. When I decided to do this, I started to feel a bit better. As tough as writing is for me, I have discovered a joy in it that I didn’t know in the past. What I have discovered is that I like writing just for the joy of the process, just like the artwork. I have no agenda, and I really don’t care if it gets published or not. Like the artwork, it has been a practice in releasing myself from judgment – just always returning to the joy of the process and not being concerned with where it goes or how it will be received.

I listened to a great podcast today on Rich Roll. He was interviewing Steven Pressfield. Pressfield has written a number of books, including The Legend of Baggar Vance, which is the only one I read, and I did so because it was recommended by Eckhart Tolle.

I found it interesting that when I came here in January of 2019, and I knew I wanted to write something, but I didn’t know what, I happened to listen to an Ophrah podcast in which she was interviewing Pressfield. He said, “Just start writing!” He says to just write anything, even if it is complete gibberish, and see what happens, and so I did. And so it feels strange that, just as I decided to get back to writing, I find this current podcast. Weird.

My thinking now, however, is that I cannot spend money on this. I spent too much on my first book attempt, and that is now feeling uncomfortable, like a waste of money. But I will continue with this next book, using what I learned from the first experience.

Jolene’s visit was perfect. Apart from a “bit of wind” in Boquete yesterday, I think she got a pretty good taste of Panama.

A few parting shots of Las Lajas:

And a few of Jolene’s impressions of the Glass Casita:

And a walk into town on a very windy day:

In no particular order…

Jolene is on her way! Barb is picking me up at 7 am tomorrow morning. We pick Jolene up at the airport in David at 8:30, and then we are off to Las Lajas, which is about 1 hour 45 minutes from here and about 45 minutes from the airport. Then, for the next three days…fun! Jolene wants to learn Zentangle, so that will be packed.

I have entered a bookmark phase. I saw these on the Creations CeeCee YouTube channel, and I wanted to make them. I did the first phase yesterday and just finished the second go-round. Not sure what will happen next, but I think I like that scraggly branch one.

Phase 1:

Phase 2:

And, the latest Zentangles:

I received encouraging feedback from Ash today:
“I like this Christine! You are doing great now focus on consistency on day to day basis.”

On a less happy note, Gloria had to return to the hospital yesterday. Apparently her insurance company has not completed the details of her itinerary back to the U.S., and they will no longer pay for health care at home. They also need to pick her up from a hospital; so she had to go back. And then, adding insult to injury, she has tested positive for Covid. So, it is now unclear what will happen.

My favorite new teacher: Swami Sarvapriyananda. He teaches from the tradition of Advaita Vedanta (nonduality). I first saw him in conversation with Rupert Spira. He is an excellent speaker. He is organized, funny, down to earth, a wealth of knowledge and gives great examples of how we can become more familiar with who we really are as consciousness.

Okay…time to pack!

I’ve had a couple of challenges over the past week. It started with the visits from the realtors. I knew that this was going to be happening, but I wasn’t exactly sure how. The realtors came, had a look around and told me that the photographer was going to be coming in a few days. I was told that this would take a number of hours and that eventually I should expect a “flurry” of interested buyers.

The owner of the property, who is in Thailand, sent me an email stating that there would be showings scheduled three days a week, and he said I should leave the property. He kindly made suggestions of what I might do: go to the library, go to the market, visit with friends.

I explained to him that I rarely leave the casita since i am so far from town and that I do not have a car, so this was not going to happen. I said I wanted to be cooperative, but I also said it would be nice to be somehow compensated for this. Nothing.

When the photographer came, he asked me to leave. I sat outside. It didn’t take him long. The realtor sent me an email saying that I did not, in fact, have to leave the house for the showings and that I didn’t need to remove my things, just have the place “tidy.”

i still felt that some sort of compensation was in order. I sent the owner another email this morning explaining that i would be withholding $200/month from the February and March rent. If that didn’t work for him, I said that it would be best if he waited until I was gone on 4/1. No answer. So, my rent is due on 2/1. We’ll see how this goes.

Second issue. And I’m going to make this as short and sweet as possible without mentioning any names. A friend performed a service for me using their professional skills. Every time I asked about the price, I was told not to worry about it. I assumed (always a huge mistake) that my bill was going to be about $1500, of which I had already paid $1000. I received an invoice yesterday for $4200. To say I was shocked is an understatement.

I have felt pretty creepy for a couple of days now, so much so that I thought, after Jolene’s visit, I may just go home. Bot of these issues feel like abuse, but in the second instance, I also feel really stupid for not insisting on seeing a bill and not even thinking about a contract. Shame on me. This one is the most challenging.

I am eternally grateful for Dan. He couldn’t talk to me the first night, but then the next night he said, “It’s only money. We have each other. We’re on the right side of the grass.” What more can I ask for? He was already stewing about some financial issues we’re dealing with, so this put the icing on the cake. He handled it admirably. Love that man.

I have found a huge respite in returning to the Zentangle. While doing this, I cannot think of anything else. I am focused on what I am doing. I also listen to podcasts while doing the Zentangle, so my brain has very little opportunity to be angry. Today, I started listening to one with Andrew Huberman interviewing Rick Rubin. What an amazing mind.

This one is much harder than it looks. It is a very good exercise in drawing smooth, equidistant lines.

In any event, my hope to respond to challenges with kindness is being tested. I have really had to pause and come back and continually repeat, “Be kind, be kind.”

I went on a hike with Barb and Deb on Monday. We did the Tree Trek hike. Wow! Has that road changed. The last time I went up there was for dinner one evening with Ted and Pam Bonner about seven years ago. The road was dirt and boulders. The only way we made it is because Ted had a four-wheel drive vehicle. Now, it’s all paved.

This is where people in Boquete go to try out zip lining. Not for me.

I had a lovely dinner with Betty last night. We watched In and Of Itself. It was her first time, my fifth. She loved it. I knew she would. She called me this morning to tell me that she heard from Gloria that she finally went to see a doctor about her shortness of breath. She was diagnosed with congestive heart failure. She is now being stabilized with care at home and is going to be medic-vac’d to the U.S. in five days. I feel very bad for her. She is a healthy 75-year-old woman, who works hard to take care of herself. We think this is due to Covid. Betty and I are going to go over to her house on Monday to get her packed up for her return to the U.S. and to clean out her apartment.

My neighbor, Cheryl, stopped by today to tell me that they had Sophia put down. That’s the dog that bit Barb. Apparently, Sophia contracted an ear infection and then started having seizures. I could see Cheryl was shaken. They took Sophia in as a stray eight years ago.

So, kind of a downer day, but…that’s life.

‘Tis the season for the annual Flower and Coffee Festival in Boquete. It’s the biggest attraction of the year in Boquete. I went once a few years ago and would probably have given it a pass, but Lois and Buzz asked me if I wanted to go. It was a lovely opportunity to get to know them a bit better.

After strolling about the fair, we decided to go find something to eat. Since it was early, most of the vendors at the fair were not open yet. I suggested Sabrosón. What I didn’t realize is that during this hour, only the breakfast menu was available. Lois and Buzz were happy. They had steak and eggs. The only thing I could eat was hojaldre, which is fried bread. Good in any culture. So, I had that with syrup. Such nutrition! Since I suggested it, I was happy they were happy.

Another benefit apparently of a vegan diet. This was my latest message from Ash:

“What are you eating Christine! Wow!!! These look good. Still some details are been over looked in the overturn letterforms. But I love the confidence in strokes and also the consistency! Keep writing.”

And this is today’s Zentangle. I used one of the glass beads in the center.

I love a before and after:

I made this vegetable curry yesterday. It turned out pretty good, so I’m having Lois, Buzz and Betty for dinner. They will be here shortly.

I stressed my heart attack gene this morning when this critter landed right next to my hand.

I thought it was a cockroach, which led to this exchange with Kathy:

[1:24 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: Would there be any issue with my having someone come and spray the perimeter of the house?
[3:08 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: You cannot bring a contractor but, you can ask Jude to have Herminio spray. I will warn you that I’ve had the casita sprayed a few times over the years. At least 2 times it was obvious that the ants, on one occassion, and the scorpions on another, had been habitating at the wall of the casita as they came INSIDE in droves to escape the fumicide. Other times it seemed to help. So…..you are welcome to ask Jude to have Herminio spray but, know the results may not be as you desire. The most effective way is to have Hermimio spray inside, close the house up and leave for 6 to 8 hours and then ventilate very well and then the next day or so, spray outside. I never wanted the spray inside but, again, your choice. If you choose to spray inside it should be on a Monday as soon as Yahaira finishes.
[3:11 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: Okay, thanks for all that Kathy. I’ll have to see how it goes. I was doing okay with the scorpions. Picking them up and pitching them outside has become no big deal. But then this morning, a huge cockroach plopped down right next to my hand. I have a harder time with the cockroaches. I guess I’ll see how much my nervous system is willing to tolerate. Thanks again.
[3:13 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: Those “cockroaches” are beetles and beetle season is coming so….expect more and I’m not sure fumigation would do anything as they don’t habitate in the ground where to spray goes.
[3:14 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: Oh, okay, thanks. I’ll deal with it.
[3:14 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: And the big beetles are harmless and important to the ecosystem..
[3:17 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: Strange how I don’t feel as creeped by beetles as cockroaches. Okay, that’s done. Thanks again.
[3:22 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: Those beetles crack me up the way they always die in their back. I’ll have to ask our entomologist amigos why that is. There are some beetles in Panama that at 6″ in length. Thank goodness I have only seen one that big in the Biomuseo!
[3:23 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: Oh God…now I’m going to be waiting for it to show up! LOL.
[3:24 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: 🤣🤣🤣
[3:27 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: Never heard of “beetle season” before. Always something to learn.
[3:28 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: https://www.whatsthatbug.com/harlequin-beetle-panama/
[3:29 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: There are many beetles mistaken for roaches. The Harlequin is commonly mistaken. Panama has dozens of types of beetles.
[3:32 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: And if a tree that houses termites comes down with the high winds you will see a hurricane of termites and yes, they’ll get in the house but they die fast. BTW….termites actually are tastey and are a good source of protein, if you’re ever lost in the jungle for days.
[3:33 PM, 1/11/2023] Christine Kunert: I tried that in Honduras. I’ll pass here. I have beans and rice.
[3:37 PM, 1/11/2023] Cathy & Larry Doig: 👌

So, that was my lesson today.

And this is today’s newest Zentangle. A bit of a mess, but that’s how they usually begin. Also may be partially due to the fact that I was watching Drunk History at the same time.

I have found that I really enjoy a YouTube channel called 15 Minutes of Zen by Kelly Boulin. This is the one I did today. I think this is her first one. She does a very nice job. Nice and slow and easy to follow.

And a little bit of calligraphy. I had this sitting out on the coffee table, and I decided to put a title on it, so it will be easily found. Because…you never know.

Last year I binged on Seaside Hotel and loved it. I recently discovered a series called Drunk History. It is no longer in production, but there are six seasons available. It sometimes gets a little too drunk for me, but then I just fast forward. Only had to do it once. It would be interesting to see how it would be if they were high instead of drunk.

It is hilarious…genius…

I landed on this series because I wanted to see what Jenny Slate looks like. She is the voice of Marcel the Shell. She is very funny. Marcel is looking at me right now, and he makes me smile.

These are the latest Zentangles. I have been trying it freehand. Tools used on the left. Freehand is on the right.

I still like both. I like a combo. Three more of these, and I’m moving on.

Wasn’t I surprised this morning with this image.

That is a strip of sticky paper that moved from its spot under the stove. And it wasn’t windy. I found a scorpion in that space to the left of the stove. It was stuck in a cobweb. It must have been hell.

These are my attempts to get along. I have filled obvious cracks with paper towels. Every time two or three days go by without a scorpion, I think, Yes! But then another one shows up.

So, we’ll see. Yahaira pointed out to me today, what she called gusano. It looked like a catterpillar to me.

I said I wasn’t really bothered, and then she kindly pointed out to me the spikes coming from its body, and she then demonstrated to me how they curl up and squeeze their prey. She said that they are common on the coffee farms. Thanks Yahaira!

Not sure if that’s it. The one we had was not bright color. Oh well, it was similar. I’ve never lived this close to the jungle. It is a new experience. Cohabitating has taken on a whole new feeling.

It’s going to be potatoes for a while. I met my neighbors at their backdoor a couple of days ago, and Buzz was carrying a large bag of vegetables. They just bought them in Cerro Punta, probably an hour’s drive from here, and known as the bread basket here. The landscape in the area is beautiful.

So, they said they paid $4 a bag and asked me if I wanted one. I said okay and agreed to get the money to them soon. When I got home and dumped it out, I saw that the vegetables were quite old, squished tomatoes, wrinkled bell peppers, celery splitting. You get the picture.

The next day, Lois stopped by and said that I didn’t have to pay her. She agreed they were wanting. Good human.

I gave half of the potatoes to Yahaira today. Most of what remained I chopped up and made a stock. I need that now for the recipes I’m making.

Look familiar? This is what’s happening for the next four meals or so.